In case you got too enamoured by the Parliament speech of US Prez Barack Obama, here is my take on what he actually meant:
1-SAID: I thank you for the great honor of addressing the representatives of more than one billion Indians and the world’s largest democracy.
MEANT: Thanks Commies, for giving me the opportunity which you denied to my predecessor Bush, by threatening the only power that you are left with: Power of your Larynx.
2-SAID: I bring the greetings and friendship of the world’s oldest democracy—the U.S.A, including nearly three million proud and patriotic Indian Americans.
MEANT: Three million! Haven’t we got enough of them! Yes, we do, in case you think otherwise. Thank you very much.
3-SAID: Bahoot dhanyavad.
MEANT: By uttering those two words, in Hindi, I am qualified for Mr Singh’s job, in case I lose mine back home. It doesn’t matter if Soniaji had refused the offer, I hate sacrifices.
4-SAID: For in Asia and around the world, India is not simply emerging; India has already emerged.
MEANT: Now in trade talks, in climate change talks, don’t play the poor, underdeveloped nation card, like a beggar.
5-SAID: Instead of resisting the global economy, you became one of its engines—reforming the licensingraj and unleashing an economic marvel that has lifted tens of millions from poverty and created one of the world’s largest middle classes.
MEANT: World’s largest middle class: What else you think I am interested in India? Humayun Tomb?
6-SAID: In the decades after independence, India advanced its interests as a proud leader of the nonaligned movement. Yet too often, the United States and India found ourselves on opposite sides of a North-South divide and estranged by a long Cold War. Those days are over.
MEANT: You know as much as I, that NAM is defunct now, a useless grouping. Your true interests lie with us.
7-SAID: In the United States, both of my predecessors—one Democrat, one Republican—worked to bring us closer, leading to increased trade and a landmark civil nuclear agreement. Since then, people in both our countries have asked: what next?
MEANT: Now that we have given India more than what it asked for, what are we getting in return?
8-SAID: That is what I want to address today—the future that the United States seeks in an interconnected world; why I believe that India is indispensable to this vision; and how we can forge a truly global partnership—not in just one or two areas, but across many; not just for our mutual benefit, but for the world’s.
MEANT: Now send those troops to Afghanistan, keep them ready for Iran, in case we need them.
9-SAID: Of course, only Indians can determine India’s national interests and how to advance them on the world stage. But I stand before you today because I am convinced that the interests of the United States—and the interests we share with India—are best advanced in partnership.
MEANT: While you know best what you SHOULD do, in the new relationship, I will decide what you WILL do.
10-SAID: And let me say it as clearly as I can: the United States not only welcomes India as a rising global power, we fervently support it, and we have worked to help make it a reality.
MEANT: If you don’t remember you forgetful Indians, let me remind you in as loud a voice as I can, that you are what you are bcoz of US.
11-SAID: We need to forge partnerships in high-tech sectors like defense and civil space. So we have removed Indian organizations from our so-called “entity list.”
MEANT: Now you plz follow up by increasing FDI limits in defense and civil aviation.
12-SAID: Together, we can resist the protectionism that stifles growth and innovation. The United States remains—and will continue to remain—one of the most open economies in the world. And by opening markets and reducing barriers to foreign investment, India can realize its full economic potential as well.
MEANT: I have said it in as many words, in black and white. If you still need help, here it is: It is YOU who is acting in a protectionist manner, YOU which is a closed economy.
13-SAID: And we can keep striving for a Doha Round that is ambitious and balanced—with the courage to make the compromises that are necessary so global trade works for all economies.
MEANT: See how I have replaced “just and equitable” by “ambitious and balanced”. “Keep striving” is actually the key (read key to failure).
14-SAID: More broadly, India and the United States can partner in Asia.
MEANT: More specifically, to counter China.
15-SAID: This leads me to the final area where our countries can partner—strengthening the foundations of democratic governance, not only at home but abroad.
MEANT: Help us militarily to invade Burma, Iran, North Korea, as we did in Iraq in the name of establishing what-we-call-democracy.
16-SAID: Every country will follow its own path. No one nation has a monopoly on wisdom, and no nation should ever try to impose its values on another. But when peaceful democratic movements are suppressed—as in Burma—then the democracies of the world cannot remain silent.
MEANT: These preachings are for all but US.
17-SAID: Ultimately, this must be a partnership between our peoples. So I want to conclude by speaking directly to the people of India watching today.
MEANT: If all my words till now have gone unheard with you forgetful Indian leaders, let me try my last bet and try cozy up with the people of India
18-SAID: We believe that no matter who you are or where you come from, every person can fulfill their God-given potential, just as a Dalit like Dr. Ambedkar could lift himself up and pen the words of the Constitution that protects the rights of all Indians.
MEANT: If you thought I am unaware of the caste factor in Indian politics, you must be kidding. I am very much aware that Sister Mayawati may one day occupy Mr Singh’s seat. Why else you think I practised pronouncing Ambedkar so many times that I forgot how to pronounce Vivekananda, or Rajya Sabha for that matter.
Full Text Of Obama’s Speech:
http://blogs.wsj.com/indiarealtime/2010/11/08/president-barack-obamas-remarks-to-indias-parliament/
Beyond The Obvious 